If you don't want me to follow you into fire
Updated: Apr 10, 2020
*Contains Frozen 2 spoilers
We watched Frozen 2 last night. Man that's an awesome movie. I am so impressed with Disney's depiction of healthy relationships. I could say so much about it. (Future blog about Christoff's "I'm here. What do you need?") But. There is this one scene that really shook me.
Elsa had just defeated this fire spirit, and then had to rescue her little sister Anna who had run into the fire after her. Elsa was mad at Anna for going into the fire. Anna responds with all the simplicity of her unyielding love with, "If you don't want me to follow you into fire, then don't run into fire!"
I thought, "Oh ya. I'm going to use that."
The occasion arose for me to use it the very next day.
She had been having a bad day. During a bad moment of a bad day she collapsed onto the floor of the living room in a huff, scowling at me as she descended. It had been hours of coxing, talking, followed by the silent treatment, followed by tears and hugs, followed by a glare and storming off into her room. And here we were now. An angry puddle on the floor. I was spent. I had nothing. So I just laid on the floor next to her. (Man I need to vacuum.) And said nothing. We laid there on the floor in silence for a few minutes. She peeked at me from under her arms where she had buried her face and asked, "Why are you laying on the floor?" I said "Because you're laying on the floor. If you don't want me to follow you into fire, then don't run into fire. I'm here for you kid. For the ups and the downs. You can't get rid of me. So if you're on the floor, I'm on the floor with you."
People who know about these things (See The Connected Child by Karyn B. Purvis) say that when they are pushing you away, begging to be rejected, doing everything they can to hurt you, when you most want to give in and send them to their room...to pull them in close instead.
At our adoption party my Spiritual Director read a verse from Ruth that says "But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God."
If you don't want me to follow you into fire, then don't run into fire.